Tips for a healthy vibrant sexual relationship
There are basic guidelines that will assure a healthy, lasting, vibrant, sexual relationship with a partner.
Here are some key factors that play the most important roles in keeping the love alive and healthy.
Respect - You MUST have respect for each other.
Communication - Let your partner know how beautiful you think he is or how she makes your heart jump. Reinforce positive things that fill your life with security and comfort, if you want those things to live on. Talk. Make communication a safe place by reassuring each other that within your relationship exists a safe place to discuss ANYTHING, even if that "anything" is hard or painful.
Spontaneity - Try a little spontaneity and see for yourself how well received it is. Try coming up from behind your lover while he or she is doing some ordinary house chore. For example if your lover is at the computer working or in the garage etc. come up from behind them unexpectedly and caress them with suggestive tones. Find your partner unknowing in an open room all to yourselves and walk right up to them and start to take their clothes off. Tell your partner you have to run an errand together and take them to a hotel room. When your partner wakes up to go to work- set aside 30 minutes for sex. A great start for a demanding work day!
Confidence - Show some confidence. Nothing is more attractive than someone who exudes confidence in their life in general and especially in their sex life. I'm not talking about being egotistical. Being sure of yourself allows for progress, communication, effectives, and will even change the way you and your partner feel together. You will notice with just a slight bit of confidence even in the scariest situations, you will feel empowered.
Space - Even in the most passionate and loving relationships everyone should allow their partner some space. Take time for yourself or arrange a day where your partner can relax on his or her own with no distractions around. Take the phone off, relax with a great book, enjoy a movie alone or go out for a walk. Time alone rejuvenates the spark when you see each other again. There is no need to be involved so much in a relationship that you forget about your individual needs and goals. Healthy relationships support and create space between two people. You must allow yourself time to develop together and individually as they make each move toward a healthy interaction easier and more desirable. You can be an individual within a relationship without depleting either.
Healthy Lifestyle - eat healthy, be creative, find something you feel passionate about and explore more. Do your best to stay fit so you can increase your sexual endurance and performance. You are what you eat and what you put in is what you put out, so think twice about having that fast food hamburger three times a week. It is a lot easier to stay healthy once you get a routine down. Ask your partner to do it with you. Support each other at a healthier lifestyle and grow into a healthier sexual relationship as well!
Attraction - Be sure to stay up on the key elements that make you shine. I am not talking about dressing nice or filling your life up with materialistic things. I am talking about keeping your personality attractive and you tone vibrant. There is a time and a place for lulls or depression, and we all succumb to those things at some point or another. But do your best to stay positive and fun and you will notice you will attract the same in your life. We only live once, so don't take the things around you for granted and enjoy the moments you have here on this beautiful journey. Be attractive and attract the positive forces in your life. You are as great as the people you surround yourself with. Be only the best, and you will attract the best!
Tips for Sexual Enhancement
Sensuality - is really important and keeps your love life from mocking a bad porn flick. Talking nasty and having great hard abrupt sex is fine and can be extremely arousing and satisfying, but don't forget the sensuality. Sensuality can turn your lover into a ball of fire and at the same time have them melting into your hands. It is the most meaningful sense of expression. If you can look your lover in the eye without being tacky about it, you can see straight through that person and bond in ways you never thought were possible. Both men and women need sensuality. Ladies, don't forget to treat your man with respect when it comes to this. Most men have never been treated with endearing sensuality because its supposed to be "the mans job" to cater to the sensual needs of the female. Try it out on your man, and see if he likes it.
Erotic Environments - Creating erotic environments can be very fun. Try running a bath for your lover with candles and bubbles. Set up a nice background of mellow sexy music. Start off with a massage or a desert of some kind. Bath your lover from head to toe not focusing on sex at first or maybe even not at all. If he or she is tried from a hard day, just cater to their needs and help them relax. You will find the please you receive from making them feel better is just as good as getting a massage yourself! Try getting a hotel and preparing it before you get there. Have a great bottle of wine waiting and maybe an arrangement of roses with a cd already playing. Make sure you have enough to drink and snacks so you don't have to leave. This is your time to spend together. Another thing you can do is to try undressing in a different room other than the bedroom.
Communication - TALK TALK TALK to each other about your wants and needs. If you would like to try something new, talk to your partner about it. Be respectful of their space and understand you may not get the response you want at first. Making one another feel comfortable within new experiences is the key to opening new doors. You want your partner to feel as safe and open as possible in order for either one of you to end up having a great experience. Talk with respect, making sure you use positive reinforcement when discussing the things you do and do not like about your sex life. Be honest and willing to listen. You will learn more about each other and yourselves that you ever thought was possible. communicating can open your sex life up to a whole new world and you will discover that it gets easier to talk as time goes on and as you get more comfortable letting each other know what you are interested in. Aside from talking about sexual wants and needs be open about emotions and insecurities as well. If you can feel safe being honest (while still being respectful) then the sky is the limit.
Erotic Massage - Try an erotic massage. Start off by turning off the phone and clipping your nails! Make sure you have a water-based lubricant (to avoid encouraging vaginal infections) close by.
Massaging your male partner-
The basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down, stop, or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable. The best way to accomplish this is for the man to give a signal just before this point is reached. Verbal cues, raising a hand, pulling away slightly, or even subtle body language cues can all work well. This repeated "peaking" process can sometimes help men learn to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating, and can also be practiced during solo masturbation. Although delaying ejaculation during the course of the massage is desirable from the perspective of maximizing pleasure, many partners do like to finish the massage with one.
Ejaculation provides a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men too fatigued to enjoy the rest of the evening or do a good job massaging their partner; opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital massage with ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first.
It's also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Letting your partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying his pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft.
Suggested Genital Massage Strokes
There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and consistent stroking will feel best. I'm going to present a few favorite strokes below, but you can make up your own,
One approach that some people favor is selecting two favorite strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once in a while.
Healing Stroke - With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis all the way to the tip.
Anvil Stroke - Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an alternating motion.
Climbing the Mountain - Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until ejaculation approaches inevitability.
Cocooning
It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do, then pleasuring can continue all the way through ejaculation and until your partner asks you to stop. At the end of the massage (whether or not there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be folded up over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.
Massaging your female partner:
Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual response, in the following ways:
Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and feelings of warmth towards her partner.
Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the clitoral orgasms as sharper and the G-Spot orgasms as deeper.
Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they like, and how they like it done.
Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer and be more intense than that which men commonly experience.
Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).
Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a long time at a very high level.
Suggested Types of Stimulation
Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation.
Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a free hand which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form connections with other parts of her body.
Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly favoured among women, there are many more..
Clitoral - When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better.
Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start right out with.
G-Spot - The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her G-Spot, and it often feels more ridged than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra.
One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to come here. Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion. Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot.
Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal level increases. You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.
Vibrator - Vibrators generally work best on or near the clitoris. If the vibration is too intense, switch to a lower speed or put a cloth between the vibrator and her clitoris. It's OK to let your partner hold the vibrator. It's also fun for a vibrator to be used clitorally at the same time vaginal penetration is being performed.
Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement - It's helpful to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Sexy complements, eye contact, etc. are also nice additions. Many sexual difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem from worries: worrying that her partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that she isn't coming fast enough, etc. Letting your receiving partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac for her.
Cocooning
It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when you two are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.
Role playing and Fantasizing - Talk to your partner about your fantasies and what role playing ideas you have thought about. Sex can be intimate and yet you can still have moments of pure fun. Leave your world for a moment and try role playing as a way to embrace another realm sexually with your lover. Role playing can consist of creating environments or characters verbally or physically. Talk about your fantasies and live them out as best you can with your lover. The power of suggestion will surprise you and make you feel that much more aroused guaranteed!!
Set up a romantic date - Have a babysitter without your partner knowing show up and take the kids away if you have kids. Then treat him or her to a surprise date. Allow enough time for your partner to have a relaxing shower or bath and lay out your favourite outfit for him or her to wear with maybe some sexy lingerie for afterwards. Visit the restaurant you will eat at earlier in the day and tell them to bring out a small bouquet of maybe 2-3 roses or iris's or some other flower to the table just for your partner. Give them your credit card before hand and tell them to run the bill and bring it to you only when your partner is not around. If you have to leave the table to go to the restroom, sneak in and sign it so as not to have money enter in the mood at all. Take your partner out for a drink at a martini bar or some other such place, or maybe for a moonlight walk. When you get home light candles and play relaxing music and give your partner a massage and the rest is up to you.
Know your body - Get to know your own body. Take time out to explore what makes you feel good so that you can communicate that with your partner. The more familiar you are with your body the more fun you can have. Try getting a mirror and looking at yourself masturbate so you can figure out what motions are enjoyable as compared to a little harsh. A little exercise that was taken from the bbc explains a good way to spend some quality time with yourself. Here's how:
Start by running a bath.
Make it deep and warm (if you don't have a bath, a shower will do). Choose your favorite bath foam or oil - step in and relax.
Focus on the warmth of the water on your skin. Do you feel the temperature differently on different parts of your body? How does moving the water over your body feel? Notice the varying textures of your skin and the areas that are most sensitive to touch.
Throughout the exercise, think about how you feel. Relaxed? Invigorated? Pampered? If you feel guilty or silly spending so much time on yourself, remind yourself that if you know your body better you're likely to enjoy sex more.
Dry yourself with a warm towel Focus on how it feels. Does your body prefer being rubbed hard or softly? Maybe the feelings are different on different parts of your body. Dry each part of your body in turn - even in-between your toes.
Explore your body from head to toe. You could use a body lotion if you like. Think about what kind of touch different parts of your body enjoys.
Experiment with different pressure and different strokes, noticing what direction of stroke your body prefers. Spend some time touching your chest, particularly your nipples. This can be a pleasurable area for many men as well as women.
Move your hands down now to focus more specifically on your stomach, hips, bottom and finish with your inner thighs.
-taken from Get to know your body by Paula Hall - Psychosexual Therapist